Rich People Feel ‘Disconnected’

richThe rich and wealthy in Melbourne have described their plight in a special edition of A Pressing State of Affairs, in which many of the city’s elite complained of not being connected to the real world enough the make significant decisions.

The hour-long programme revealed the inner fears of Melbourne’s wealthiest citizens, who despite being filthy rich and not having a care in the world, actually did have a care in the sense that they had no idea how to interact with the world.

“You’d think I’d know houses,” says Perdita Jeffreys, a socialite from the Northern suburbs. “I’ve lived in one all my life. But I had to get Melbourne’s premier buyers advocates on the job when starting my property portfolio, since all those housing ads just confused me. So many numbers and lovely pictures. I couldn’t help but be distracted.”

The programme dedicated a segment to buyers agents, many of whom confirmed the plight of the rich, in that they found themselves out of touch and unable to make important decisions.

“We’ve had all kinds of requests,” says Kathleen Maybury, a buyers agent secretary. “People don’t just want us to search for potential homes. They want to know where to buy shopping, where the internet comes from and why cars don’t just run forever. Obviously we aren’t qualified to answer many of these queries, but we do our best. It’s just heartbreaking at times. They have so much, but it’s created a rift between them and the world. We do our best, but it can’t mend that divide.”

Top psychologists have said that the internet is the main cause of the consternation, as many wealthy and privileged citizens are finally discovering the layman’s world and realising how little they know.

“It’s tough, finding out that you’ve been living in a bubble,” says Seager Frond, psychologist. “Needing a Melbourne property advocate is relatively normal when making an important property decision. Not knowing how so many internet cats have gained the ability to speak is something else entirely.”